This is a thought that I was thinking...

This is a thought that I've been thinking... When I left Montana, I didn't really want to go. I loved it there and was happy there. I don't have anything bad to say about Montana at all. I love it there and I think about going back often. So here was the thought...With some back story because that's the only way it can be told.


While I was in MT I was volunteering for Younglife a christian youth organization. I loved doing it and had a really great time. The summer after I graduated I went to volunteer on summer staff at a YL camp in Canada called Malibu. To this point I feel like I was on track, like I was following my passion and listening to my heart. However, I felt the need to move back to Colorado during this time period because I felt that I would not be able to start my career in Montana due to a pretty bad economy. I didn't even really try, I just assumed that I wouldn't be able to find a good job there. Also, I was missing being around my family and wanted to be near them again so I moved back to Colorado. After a brief stint working for the county (only 3 weeks) I applied to work at another YL camp in Buena Vista called Trail West. My experience at this camp was not at all like Malibu, there wasn't a lot of spiritual growth and it seemed like work came first, spiritual growth second, where normally in YL camps it's the other way around. So while I was working there I started dating another intern. From the beginning I knew that it wouldn't work out, I knew without a doubt in my mind that it wouldn't last and yet I allowed that relationship to take me to Avon. We lasted less than a month after arriving in Avon, the added stress of having moved to a new town together was way too much for an already weak relationship to bear, so we called it quits.


Well, in retracing my steps and looking at my path, it seems like I got off the trail somewhere along the way. I think I may have taken a bad right turn, thinking that I was doing the right thing, but in reality was just allowing myself to deny what I really wanted.

So I guess the question is: Had I staying in MT would I have ended up in the Peace Corps? (I do think the answer to this one is yes, but who really knows aside from God)? And, for the next six months as I wait for the Peace Corps, should I go back to MT, since potentially that is where I should have been all along? I know the whole everything happens for a reason bit, and I do think God has done great things for me here and I have learned a ton about life, but I don't know that I believe I was ever meant to be here.

These are my thoughts, I'm going on vacation on Wednesday to Alaska where I'll get to see my best friend and chill it out. Maybe the trip will provide me with some clarity. If you have any comments please post them, I'd love to hear what you all think about the concept of finding ones self in the weeds...