Monday, June 30, 2008

This is a thought that I was thinking...

This is a thought that I've been thinking... When I left Montana, I didn't really want to go. I loved it there and was happy there. I don't have anything bad to say about Montana at all. I love it there and I think about going back often. So here was the thought...With some back story because that's the only way it can be told.


While I was in MT I was volunteering for Younglife a christian youth organization. I loved doing it and had a really great time. The summer after I graduated I went to volunteer on summer staff at a YL camp in Canada called Malibu. To this point I feel like I was on track, like I was following my passion and listening to my heart. However, I felt the need to move back to Colorado during this time period because I felt that I would not be able to start my career in Montana due to a pretty bad economy. I didn't even really try, I just assumed that I wouldn't be able to find a good job there. Also, I was missing being around my family and wanted to be near them again so I moved back to Colorado. After a brief stint working for the county (only 3 weeks) I applied to work at another YL camp in Buena Vista called Trail West. My experience at this camp was not at all like Malibu, there wasn't a lot of spiritual growth and it seemed like work came first, spiritual growth second, where normally in YL camps it's the other way around. So while I was working there I started dating another intern. From the beginning I knew that it wouldn't work out, I knew without a doubt in my mind that it wouldn't last and yet I allowed that relationship to take me to Avon. We lasted less than a month after arriving in Avon, the added stress of having moved to a new town together was way too much for an already weak relationship to bear, so we called it quits.


Well, in retracing my steps and looking at my path, it seems like I got off the trail somewhere along the way. I think I may have taken a bad right turn, thinking that I was doing the right thing, but in reality was just allowing myself to deny what I really wanted.

So I guess the question is: Had I staying in MT would I have ended up in the Peace Corps? (I do think the answer to this one is yes, but who really knows aside from God)? And, for the next six months as I wait for the Peace Corps, should I go back to MT, since potentially that is where I should have been all along? I know the whole everything happens for a reason bit, and I do think God has done great things for me here and I have learned a ton about life, but I don't know that I believe I was ever meant to be here.

These are my thoughts, I'm going on vacation on Wednesday to Alaska where I'll get to see my best friend and chill it out. Maybe the trip will provide me with some clarity. If you have any comments please post them, I'd love to hear what you all think about the concept of finding ones self in the weeds...

Friday, June 27, 2008

Warning

This is a warning to all who read this blog. Those of you who know me well know that I'm pretty into God. I think God is bigger than anything we've ever been taught or could ever dream up. I was not raised Christian, though this is how I choose to pursue God in my life.

So, this is the warning, if you're one of those people who are offended by talk of God, you should maybe not read my blog as it will only piss you off. If you don't believe in God you don't need to tell me about it, that's your choice and it's between you and God. I'm just really into God and I can see him in every single aspect if my life both the easy and the difficult so I will probably relate most of my entries to God in some way. That's it, I'm not saying that by reading my blog you're going to only be hearing about God, as you can see from past blogs it's pretty hit or miss. But I just want to let everyone know what they're in for. That's all I've got for today, I'm pretty tired this week and I'm in sleep walking mode at the moment. I'm trying not to mess anything up too bad before I leave for Alaska next week...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

They all wants my bloods

In the process of applying for the Peace Corps you really have to jump through a lot of hoops. For the past few months I've been jumping through medical check hoops. You have to take a form to the doctor and have every blood test that you can imagine run, then you have to get lots and lots of shots. I did find out some valuable information through all of this though, it turns out somehow and I have no idea how, but somehow I failed to have my final MMR vaccine. You are supposed to have one before you're allowed to go to college, it's the law. I have no idea how I slipped through the cracks, but either way, I've got it now.

So onto my actual topic, they wants more bloods. So initially my doctor ran the wrong blood test for me, I guess you can run a surface test or an internal test of the blood, she ran the surface when she needed to run the internal. So, I get called back in for another test and to have more blood drawn. A week goes by and I get a call, well, the test results are puzzling and they conflict with the past test so they are going to need more bloods. So, I go in yet again, this is time number 3 and give more blood and then they will let me know in a week if I have some freakish disease. Awesome. I'm sure I don't have anything and that's what the doctor said too, she just wants to see how or why I have a special immunity to things. I don't really know, I don't speak medical. They should provide people like me with a translator. I mean really, I spoke to the doctor for like 20 min. and in the end I'm not even sure what she said, something about antibody's and antigens and proteins and being immune to things... So that's all I've got for today. If by some crazy twist of fate I couldn't join the Peace Corps, wow, I don't know what I'd do, I don't really have a contingency plan. Nothing too fun, they all just wants my bloods.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Happiness…

Last night on 60 minutes there was an article on the happiest country in the world, Denmark. Yes, the Danes seem to have figured out the secret to happiness and what is it you may ask? Expectations. The Danish people are known for having incredibly low expectations and when interviewed they all said that you shouldn’t expect too much because then you’re always disappointed. If you had realistic expectations, when things turn out good, you’re very happy with the outcome. I think this is a really interesting concept. When I look at times and situations in my life when I’ve been the most unhappy, it’s always when my expectations were not met. Perhaps you date someone who you come to realize is not who you thought they were. Well, why were you thinking they were anything in the first place? How can someone ever hope to live up to an image you’ve created of them in your head? Within the workforce, you expect for your job to go a certain way, you expect to like going to work or to enjoy the people you work with…Does this ever really happen? I think the more realistic expectation to have would be this: I’m probably not really going to love what I do, but hopefully I won’t hate it too bad. That way if you actually like what you do you’ll be so happy with the outcome you won’t feel bitter at the fact that you don’t love what you do. This is the chronic American problem, we’re happy with our 1999 car, it runs, it’s reliable… But wouldn’t we love to have a new car? We could have a bigger, faster, brighter, louder car that make people think about us. Hmmm, lots to think about. I realize in the past 2 years, unrealistic expectations have knocked me flat on my back. I’m serious, I kicked my own butt with expectations, nobody is to be blamed but me. With this knowledge I’m attempting to spend more time just focusing on the present, focusing on what I’m doing, not what I want to be doing. This is a difficult task for me, but I’m guessing it will become easier and easier as time goes on. Regarding the Peace Corps and expectations… I’m a little scared. Of course I have already developed some expectations of what could be or should be or yada yady yady… But in reality, what I should hope for is: that is simply won’t suck. I’m attempting to change my expectation to a simple, please don’t suck, I can’t take any more suck so please, don’t suck.

Bringing God into the concept of expectation is also interesting. When we have our expectations for how something should be, are we not saying to God: my plan is probably better than yours? I know I’ve been more than pleasantly surprised with the outcomes of many situations in life that did not turn out at all the way I would have liked, but God just rocked it out in new and incredible ways. Sometimes I think God is watching me and thinking, Laura, you have no idea how much better I’m going to make that for you, just give it up. Oh well, something to work on…

Monday, June 23, 2008

The origins of "It's official"

The phrase "it's official" has a special meaning to me and because of this special meaning I use it a lot and think it's always really funny. I realize that 99% of the time, I'm the only one in on the joke. There are maybe 12 people who would chuckle at "It's official" and none of them live near me. This is also a cautionary tale...

So at the ripe old age of 18 I found myself in Billings, MT (the best place ever) preparing to enter soccer preseason as a Yellow Jacket. As a freshman on the team I thought to myself, don't say anything, these people are old (by old I mean 20) and they will eat you alive, don't say anything. I kept myself in check for the first couple of weeks knowing that I was in way over my head. I tried to only speak to the upper class girls when spoken to, it was my only defense. One of my fellow freshmen did not seem to share the same caution.

Before and after each practice we had to visit the training room for "treatment". If you were not hurt, treatment consisted of standing in the ice bath for 20 min. which actually helps with recovery and feels really good. There were two trainers, Pat and Todd. Pat was probably 26 at the time and was our first real exposure to men in that age group. Pat worked out a lot and was pretty ripped, not a bad looking guy, kind of a goober, but a very nice guy. I think most of us were thinking it, but only one came out to say it and it went down in MSU-B history. A very young KB approached the entire team and announces to us all "It's official, Pat the trainer is hot!" All of the older girls just cracked up. We all laughed uncontrollably and KB realized right away that she has said something she shouldn't have. It's 8 years later and KB still hasn't lived it down and every time we bring it up she denies ever having said it, but seriously, there were way too many witnesses. She knows what she said, but as time went on Pat had become an older brother to us all and the thought that she had said he was hot was just too weird.

The moral of the story: Never announce to the world that someone is hot until you know them
and the people you're with a little better. You just may end up the butt of a never ending joke.

I think this is still one of those inside jokes that even when you retell it you have to say, I guess you had to be there... I'm pretty short on sleep, sorry if you thought that was a sucky story, hopefully the next will be better.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Weekend

This weekend will be my nephews first birthday party and I am so excited. The circumstances surrounding his birth are hard to think about and reflect on, but in my opinion are a reflection of God’s love for us. My nephew was born with a severe case of phenomena and within hours of his birth had to be transferred from his birth hospital to the Children’s Hospital (luckily only 15 min apart). It was all very scary and the little boy ended up spending the next 13 days in the Infant ICU. Around day 8 in the hospital one of the nurses mistook me for his mom (he came out with brown hair so lots of people thought that), I was there to visit him after work and his mom and dad were taking a much needed rest. The nurse looked at me and said “ you know, it was really close with this little guy, really close, there were lots of times when we thought we were going to lose him” . That statement made my heart drop. All along I had been praying and praying and was just so certain that he would be okay because I had asked God, in my mind there had been no real possibility of ever losing him until she said that to me. In the end, the fact that he made it is a testament to how great God is. Anyway, so here we are, almost one year later and my little nephew is doing great. He is very big for his age and incredibly coordinated, he started walking at 9 months and by now is starting to run. I love that little guy to pieces and cherish every single moment I have with him. I’m sure I will miss him most of all when it’s time to leave for the Peace Corps.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

It's official, I'm a Blogger!

My first blog, humm, where to go with this? Well I suppose I'll begin with something that just happened to me. As I was riding my bike to the bank today, two baby prairie dogs crossed right in front of me. They cut it really close, can you imagine hitting a little baby prairie dog with your bike? It would have been so sad. But anyway, they were both really really cute. This got me to thinking about a pet store I once stumbled upon in Spain. I was with my friend Sauce and were just kind of wandering around and we saw a little pet store so we walked in. OMG, there were tons of cages filled with squirrels!!!! Squirrels, like the kind that live in our trees outside of our homes, squirrels! It was like a moment from a horror movies, Sauce and I were turning around and around horrified looking at all of these poor squirrels in cages. In my mind I could hear the horror movie music playing RERERERERE. We didn't stay long in the store, it was just to weird and we never went back, at least I never went back...Maybe Sauce became a caged squirrel fan? Probably not. So anyway, many you're wondering what on earth do squirrels and prairie dogs have in common? Well both are very common where I'm from and you would never keep either as a pet, however, they are both really pretty cute. So, I wonder if I'll be traveling the world someday and find a pet store filled with prairie dogs. I mean really, what's the difference?