Oh blogging…

I just got back from a week long backpacking trip in the Grand Canyon. While I was on my hike I had all these big dreams of posting pics from the hike and talking about the trail and all that good stuff. My intentions were awesome, however, now I’m not really feeling the motivation. I think I’m having a hard time coming back from vacation. I’m just not feeling it right now. Maybe this weekend I’ll find the time and motivation I need to do the post. It was after all a beautiful hike and lots of fun… I’ll do my best.

On a side note. I know in a past post I was saying how patient I was being with the Peace Corps and how I was just trusting that it was all going to work out. Yeah, so now I’m just getting pissed. I still haven’t heard anything regarding an assignment. I’m starting to look into other alternatives. How long can one be expected to keep their life on hold?

The Smell Test

Every now and then, throughout the course of a day, week, month or year, one may find themselves in a situation where they require a smell test. It could be that you didn’t shower that morning, it was exceptionally hot, you were stressing out and therefore had some underarm sweat issues or maybe you just forgot deodorant. Today and I was walking into my office after a brief visit to my car, without much though I gave myself a little check. This is not a discreet process, I’m talking arm up, nose in arm pit. Hey, it has to happen and I’m sure I’m neither the first nor the last to perform such a task. Actually, it’s out of love for those around me that I would do such a thing. If I smell, I need to know it because I know you sure as heck know it. Anyway, today, I got away with my smell test. It was out there for the world to see and no one saw. I’ve been caught before, I think it was Mandy who once asked me “did you just smell your arm pit” I replied “yes” and she then she said “just checking”. This has no point, but it’s at least funny… To me… By the way, I passed my test. I was afraid that I had forgotten deodorant today, but I don’t think that I did and I didn’t shower this morning, either way, I don’t smell bad so all is good. Now, I guess the greater question is; what would I have done had I failed the test? I’m not really sure, I know I’ve failed the test in the past, I think I just decided to shower the next chance I got…

Trust

Right now my mantra in life is: Trust God. There is so much that is out of my control, trusting in God is really my only option. For the past 3 months I’ve been on an “any day now” basis with the Peace Corps. I’m still waiting, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. I’m not worried or scared. God has not once failed me, not once. I know that I can trust God, because He has been there in both the big and the small, He has blessed me beyond measure and He has answered my prayers in big ways more than a few times. I’m holding on to God and trusting that it will all work out just as it was supposed to. All that being said, I would love to receive my Peace Corps invitation sooner rather than later, but all in good time. I’m sure there is a great reason for the delay and I’m sure in the end I’ll be happy that I was able to be here as long as I have been. Here is a list of positive things that have come/will come from this delay:

· I will get lots of skiing/snowboarding in before I leave.
· I will get to spend more time with new friends.
· I will be able to save up a little more money so I’m not totally broke when I get back.
· I will have more time with my family.
· I will get to make a trip up to Montana to visit some dear friends that I have missed so much.
· I will get to babysit my darling little nephew more.
· I will have more time to work with my new boss, whom I really like and respect.
· I will be able to do another Beth Moore bible study (they are really great!).

Well, that’s the short list. It never hurts to look at the sunny side…

Weightlifting for the Soul

Today I looked at the clock and had a very pleasant surprise. It was 4:30pm. I love it when the day goes by and I don’t feel each minuet tick by. Lately I’ve had a lot more to do, which while bad for blogging is really good for my sanity. I’m really enjoying the recent changes at work and really enjoy working with my new boss. I’m feeling really blessed right about now. I think it’s important to take a few steps back every now and then to evaluate just how much God had done. In my case that would be a lot. I feel like I could sit here and gush for the next hour on how great God is and how awesomely he has blessed me. I think that’s probably the case for most people, but recognizing the blessing can sometimes be a missed step. I went through some stuff to land me where I am today, at the time I was not at all happy with what was going on. But now, I can see that it was all for a purpose and I’d do it all over again. If you knew me in February, you would not have heard me say that. But I would, I’d do it all again. Hard times are just weightlifting for the soul.

Maybe the things in my mind are not so wrong…

My previous blog post was a total manifestation of stress in my life in regard to a specific situation. I needed to talk to someone about a difficult situation in which I was having a really hard time seeing how I could possibly do anything but lose. I think God and prayer, however, were somehow able to miraculously tip the scales in my favor. Against the odds, the situation has turned out better than I could have ever dreamed! Everything went so well and the conversation could not have been more positive. Not only was the person understanding, but they were encouraging and supportive. I was blown away! I knew that the person I was talking to was cool, but I didn’t know they were that cool! I’m so happy with the results. If there is one thing God has shown me in the past few months, it’s that sometimes you have to be bold and take a chance. Being up front and honest has turned out positively 100% of the time and covering tough conversations with prayer has also turned out for the best 100% of the time. God is teaching me to be bolder and to trust my instincts. These have been very stressful lessons, but I’m happy to have learned!

In my Mind...

So, I have this idea floating around in my head, it’s an idea that I’ve really lived by for the last probably 7 years or so. The idea is that everything can be explained, that you can work through anything and that there is no reason for anyone to get hurt. I know right? Naïf. The whole problem with my little idea is that it’s solely based on logic and unfortunately, human beings are emotional.

I fear that I recently hurt somebody in my life. The last thing that I wanted to do was to hurt this person and in my mind, logically I think to myself “I can make them understand, if I can only have the chance to explain, I can make then understand”. The truth is, I have zero control over how this person has reacted or would react to me if I did have the chance to explain myself. Emotions run very deep and past hurts cannot be healed with eloquent words. In the end, the entire outcome of any situation rests upon the emotions of the people involved. If you’re a more logical thinker, you can generally think yourself through it and come to some sort of conclusion that satisfies you. If you’re an emotional thinker, you will see how you feel and base your reaction and subsequent reactions on that. I’m coming to the realization that there’s nothing I can do, there is no way that I can fix the situation and I need to learn to be okay with that. After all, we can’t control others, we can only control ourselves. My lessons from this situation will be many, but for now what I can say is this: I never wanted to hurt anyone, things just happened and I pray to God that somehow, someway, he can bless this situation and take the hurt and turn it into something beautiful. God is the only solution.

Watching God work

I believe that God is constantly at work in our lives. Yesterday at a morning church service I watched God take a random girl who had just moved to the Valley by the hand an lead her right into a new group of friends. I’m sure she had come to church that morning expecting the usual service and then expecting to leave and go home. Instead, God showed up and got her plugged in instantly with a group of young women her age in the church (I’m one of those women). I’m excited to get to know her and I know how much it will mean for her to have a group of women to hang out with. God is good, he’s in both the big and the small. I don’t doubt that there was purpose in meeting that woman yesterday, and I don’t doubt that there has been purpose throughout my time in the Valley. And to think, I thought it was a mistake to have ever come here! I guess sometimes our vision can become clouded by our present state of happiness. God never promised happiness, if we can just hang on through the hard times and keep an eternal perspective, in the end it’s all worth it. Sometimes we have to walk through fire to know just how strong we are and also to learn, so that we can then share. Imagine if everything in life were easy… There would be no art, poetry or music, you wouldn’t appreciate good because you wouldn’t know what good was (because everything would be good). It would be totally unfulfilling.